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Nov. 26th, 2013 01:21 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
blackbirdblogIt's been ages. I don't know why I haven't written...maybe felt less introspective. Not for lack of drama. And I hate that what prompts me to write is usually a boy.
I've dated a handful of guys over the last couple of years. Two started out well, and then after a while I lost interest in the dating part and just wanted to be friends, and then they ended in bad falling outs. Another guy I haven't dated per se, but he tells me he loves me and says he wants to marry me and though I barely feel attracted to him there are some days I consider it just so I can develop a family of some sort and I won't be alone.
And then I start dating KW. We have been casual acquaintances for a few years, and recently went out a couple of times. I know it's early, but from what I know so far we seem more compatible than just about anyone. I have never felt well-matched with anyone, but maybe I only think that in hindsight based on KW. Anyway, I think he's a little bit out of my league, which actually makes me feel free to just enjoy his company for whatever duration of time it lasts. And it also puts those other less compatible relationships in perspective. Now I know I could have never been happy with those guys, and I ought to just stay single unless I find someone worth falling for head over heels. And I know this means I will probably just be single because it's so rare and difficult for me to feel connected.
So I feel pain and peace at the same time, and comfort in the bittersweet love and strife that I have always known and always will........
I've dated a handful of guys over the last couple of years. Two started out well, and then after a while I lost interest in the dating part and just wanted to be friends, and then they ended in bad falling outs. Another guy I haven't dated per se, but he tells me he loves me and says he wants to marry me and though I barely feel attracted to him there are some days I consider it just so I can develop a family of some sort and I won't be alone.
And then I start dating KW. We have been casual acquaintances for a few years, and recently went out a couple of times. I know it's early, but from what I know so far we seem more compatible than just about anyone. I have never felt well-matched with anyone, but maybe I only think that in hindsight based on KW. Anyway, I think he's a little bit out of my league, which actually makes me feel free to just enjoy his company for whatever duration of time it lasts. And it also puts those other less compatible relationships in perspective. Now I know I could have never been happy with those guys, and I ought to just stay single unless I find someone worth falling for head over heels. And I know this means I will probably just be single because it's so rare and difficult for me to feel connected.
So I feel pain and peace at the same time, and comfort in the bittersweet love and strife that I have always known and always will........
