blackbirdblog

I don't know if I blame the church for fucking us all up (though I am incredibly socially awkward, as you mentioned). Mostly I hold my own parents responsible. I have kind of a bad memory, so maybe I have forgotten a lot of the weird stuff that happened at St. P's. Out of curiosity, to what are you referring? And how do you remember it being handled by the adults?

Funny that you mention giving up your problems to the "Universe"--I frequently refer to the Universe in the place of God, to my mother's dismay. I think there is some kind of higher power, but I don't know what it is and I kind of think it is beyond human understanding. I believe in the inter-connectedness of all beings as a power greater than our own...but I really don't think much about it. I was Mormon for a while, which was very comfortable for me following the conservative Christian upbringing, and in a lot of ways I am sorry that did not work out for me. It is a very family-oriented theology, so as a single person with no other family in that church it was too difficult to go it alone. I go to Unitarian church every now and then, but I don't really feel any connection to it. And I can relate to what you said about steering clear of church-goers. There is so much hatred and hypocrisy tied up with American Christianity, that I don't even want to associate myself with it, even though I do believe in the philosophy of Jesus Christ. That is, love God & love your neighbor.

I may have known you dated TCS for a while, but I didn't know about his mother's little breakdown. Very strange. And I am not surprised to hear of his sex addiction in light of his upbringing, and I think I have some of those tendencies, maybe manifested a little differently. A few years back I read a book called The Purity Myth by Jessica Valenti that kind of put things in perspective for me. But all that is still a struggle. Do you keep in touch with TCS? Do you know what he's up to these days?

Thank you for the kind words regarding our past friendship. I think trying to be different was the natural response to such a stifling religious upbringing, and I don't remember being conscious of it at the time but I do have a bad memory. I think that is also what drew me to you back then, and I really did like your company and value your friendship. Mostly what I remember is hanging out at your house on Friday nights during the adults' home group, in the woods and in your room. Remembering that now makes me even more sorry that our friendship ended back then. But such is life.

Thanks for writing back, and I am glad to be back in touch.

Regards,