Life is full of pain

I have almost no memories of being a child. Of any time when I was carefree and cared for and loved. Maybe that's part of the reason I wish I had one. I could undo the pain of my past by giving that care and love to another person, by giving them everything I needed. Rationally I know I am too broken and empty to provide for a child. But the biological imperative is strong. I am crossing the threshold where it will no longer be a possibility and I can't see myself living on the other side.

I do better in a supportive community. So it's ironic that I've always thought of myself as a loner and effectively made it so. I need other people, but I don't know how to be around them.