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I can't remember a time when my heart wasn't broken. Like it's always been my natural state. I don't usually think about it, but every now and then, usually on a Sunday afternoon alone, it will randomly blindside me and I wonder...how did I get here? Why is life this way? But I never wonder if things will ever be different, or why this happened to me in particular.

I made a new friend recently, FAC, who is a 50-something gay guy that spends his time with old ladies, gardening, and drinking. He understands my disposition better than anyone since RBC. When I told him it seemed like it was my position in life to support other people's primary relationships by providing something that was missing in that relationship, he didn't question or argue--just understood and accepted it. Like me, he recognizes that happiness isn't a right or a guarantee or even a goal. Contentment with a certain amount of joy and sorrow is fitting for some of us.
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